Re: OT - When computers are cows...

nsouto_at_optushome.com.au (Nuno Souto) wrote in message news:<dd5cc559.0211071936.50c4a4e7_at_posting.google.com>...
> Sorry folks, couldn't resist:
>
> CONVENTIONAL CAPITALISM
> You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies,
> and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
>
> ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
> You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed
> company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
> bank then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
> so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
> The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
> a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
> sell the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual
> report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell
> one cow to buy favours at high places, leaving you with nine cows. No
> balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
> of four cows. You are baffled when the cow drops dead. You suspect
> some bio-terrorist mail caper is involved, so you ask the FBI to check
> the cow's e-mail.
>
> A CANADIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You create extra identities for each and milk the
> Government. The Government realizes this and starts hiring people to
> milk the taxpayers as a cover-up and tells them the economy is good and
> they have created many new jobs. No one knows where the milk is going,
> how much it costs, who collects it and where all the money is. The
> public finds this out and they want to know what is happening and the
> Government denies any knowledge of anything without a Royal Commission and
> all they reveal is bull....
>
> A FRENCH CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
> A JAPANESE CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of
> an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever
> cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
>
> A GERMAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You genetically reengineer them so they live
> for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. The cows
> do not reproduce and eventually die off.
>
> BRITISH CORPORATION
> You have two cows. Both are stark raving mad.
>
> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for
> lunch.
>
> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You
> count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn
> you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
>
> A SWISS CORPORATION
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for
> storing them. The cows are milked at exactly the same time everyday.
>
> A CHINESE CORPORATION
> You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full
> employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who
> reported the numbers.
>
> A COLUMBIA CORPORATION
> You have two cows. They are fed Marijuana. You export the shit to the
> United States.
>
> AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
> You have two cows. One of them is kinda cute.
>
> AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
> The corporation lists on ASX as having 1000 cows, hires a large
> US employment agency to recruit workers to milk cows. The workers boss
> subcontract the work out to India. The subcontractors boss say they
> can't milk cows over the Internet and they are sacred in India anyway.
> Cows die. Share holders eventually learn that there were only two
> cows and they died.
>
> Big inquiry---nothing done---cows buried.
>
> The corporation changes names and lists on ASX as having 1000 cows,
> hires a large US employment agency...
>
>
>
>
>
>
> :D
> Cheers
> Nuno Souto
> nsouto_at_optusnet.com.au.nospam

Cows can confidently claim computer communication capabilities:

           (__)                               (__)
         /   oo      _______                 /   @@      _______
        |  /\_|     |       \               |  /\_|     |       \
        |  |___     |        |              |  |___     |        |
        |   ---@    |________|              |   ---@    |________|
     *  |  |   ----   |    |                |  |   ----   |    |
      \ |  |_____                           |  |_____
       \|________|                    *____/|________|

             CompuCow                 CompuCow After an All-niter



         (__)                                   (__)
       /   --      _______                    /  .\/.     _______
      |  /\_|     |       \                  |  /\_|     |       \
      |  |___     |        |                 |  |___     |        |
      |   ---@    |________|                 |   ---@    |________|
      |  |   ----   |    |                *  |  |   ----   |    |
      |  |_____                            \ |  |_____
*____/|________|                            \|________|

CompuCow Asleep at the Keyboard     CompuCow Discovers Bug in Compiler