OT - When computers are cows...

Sorry folks, couldn't resist:

CONVENTIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sell the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy favours at high places, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are baffled when the cow drops dead. You suspect some bio-terrorist mail caper is involved, so you ask the FBI to check the cow's e-mail.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You create extra identities for each and milk the Government. The Government realizes this and starts hiring people to milk the taxpayers as a cover-up and tells them the economy is good and they have created many new jobs. No one knows where the milk is going, how much it costs, who collects it and where all the money is. The public finds this out and they want to know what is happening and the Government denies any knowledge of anything without a Royal Commission and all they reveal is bull....

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You genetically reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves. The cows do not reproduce and eventually die off.

BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are stark raving mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. The cows are milked at exactly the same time everyday.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A COLUMBIA CORPORATION
You have two cows. They are fed Marijuana. You export the shit to the United States.

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. One of them is kinda cute.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
The corporation lists on ASX as having 1000 cows, hires a large US employment agency to recruit workers to milk cows. The workers boss subcontract the work out to India. The subcontractors boss say they can't milk cows over the Internet and they are sacred in India anyway. Cows die. Share holders eventually learn that there were only two cows and they died.

Big inquiry---nothing done---cows buried.

The corporation changes names and lists on ASX as having 1000 cows, hires a large US employment agency...

:D
Cheers
Nuno Souto
nsouto_at_optusnet.com.au.nospam Received on Thu Nov 07 2002 - 21:36:14 CST