RE: DBA work load - BDBAFH #1

LMAO -----Original Message-----
Sent: Monday, September 30, 2002 2:58 PM To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L

The phone rings. Another user. Still pissed off, I pick it up...

"Database Administration, can I help you?" I answer professionally.

Troubled silence on the phone. Politeness is a very bad signal from me and they know it. He was rattled.

"Uh, hi, this is Joe, technical lead on that super-critical project for Benefits? Is this a good time? I have some stuff I need moved to production?"

The last was a statement, but it came out like a question. With a slight quaver in the voice, too. Excellent. Technical lead my arse.

"Could you be more specific so I can schedule you appropriately?"

He hesitated. Gosh, I sounded for real. I almost convinced myself. The victim approached warily.

"I've got a bunch of PL/SQL packages and some outlines to speed up the queries with special hints. The scripts are all ready for your review, they include the create statements, the grants, everything. I'm forwarding the email package to you with signoffs from IT, the user department, and your own from reviewing our design and test results". This last was delivered with almost pathetic eagerness. Good boy. Good, simple, foolish boy.

If he could see me he'd be terrified by my grin. "Joe, I need you to help me out. You've just given me 10 minutes of work, but I'm due for lunch in 5 minutes. What do you suggest I do?"

Joe knew better, he really did. But his team had been up all night finishing and the prize was so close...

"Look, I really hate to impose. But we've missed several major deadlines, and department head has made it clear if we screw up again he'll outsource the whole project and have us laid off. I need it now so we can make sure everything's perfect for the big production run at COB today".

"Consider it done," I promised cheerfully and hung up. I surprised him, and maybe myself, with my good spirits. Especially since I was more than 5 minutes late, closer to fifteen, and my buddies were already into their second beer when I joined them for lunch. But the extra 10 minutes had been well worth it considering what I managed to do to those hints with the outline editor. Just the same, though, I turned off my cell phone in case the twit called to find out why his 5-second queries took almost an hour. Can't have him taking me for granted, can I?

Later that evening, after quaffing several (all right, numerous) more ales with the boys, I dialed in from home to check how things were going. Mr. Tech Lead was still logged in, no doubt desperately trying to determine why things were taking forever. Poor Mr. Tech Lead, another sleepless night. I logged off, turned out the light, and slept like a baby.

Next morning, hangover. The phone rings. I snatch it up angrily...

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Author: Conboy, Jim
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