World's fourth silliest DBA test [humor]

From: Joel Garry <joel-garry_at_home.com>
Date: 16 Apr 2003 11:58:57 -0700
Message-ID: <91884734.0304161058.5087ddfe@posting.google.com>

This is a timed, closed-book, no-notes, no-computer, no-phone, no-pda test. You have fifteen minutes.

1. The pinhitratio in v$librarycache on your production OLTP instance is 94%.
2. According to Oracle, this is lower than a well-tuned system.
3. According to Oracle, this is well-striven towards a well-tuned machine.
4. Damn ratios don't mean a thing, look at latches.
5. This ratio can be easily manipulated, and might be meaningful given more information.
6. All of the above.
7. What is wrong with this listener file?

LISTENER=
 (DESCRIPTION =

    (ADDRESS = (PROTOCOL = TCP) HOST=GR89C0072)
    (PORT=1521)
    (PROTOCOL_STACK = 


      (PRESENTATION = ttc)

      (SESSION = NS)

    )
  )

SID_LIST_LISTENER =
  (SID_LIST =
    (SID_DESC =
(GLOBAL_DBNAME = GR89C0072)
(ORACLE_HOME = C:\V8I)
(SID_NAME=DBA)

    )
  )

1. It is perfectly correct
2. It looks perfectly correct, but may have invisible characters that make it unusable.
3. GLOBAL_DBNAME will mess up 9iAS, so you can't use this.
4. Windows XP will screw up the registry and you will have to reinstall everything after installing another operating system to get at your data first.
5. Nobody uses hostnaming with Windows servers.
6. You must use 4 characters in an SID.
7. You have tcp dispatchers with mts. Add more dispatchers if:
8. the busy rate is over 1%
9. the busy rate is over 10%
10. the busy rate is over 50%
11. get rid of MTS since you have a performance problem.
12. Don't do anything until you determine how long users are waiting.
13. A client receives the ORA-3113 error.
14. The Names Server is down.
15. The Listener is down.
16. Dammit, haven't we answered this enough in this group?
17. The Connection Manager died.
18. I thought that was just a .sig file joke.
19. Bill Gates, Larry Ellison and Scott McNealy all arrive at a rave at the same time.
20. Steve Jobs gives them all Ecstasy and they have a big love fest.
21. They all get drunk and start a huge fight, breaking the mirror behind the bar.
22. Their WIFI's attempt to overpower each other, sending commands that crash any database software attached to the net.
23. Bill Joy has mutated into a giant worm and he comes up and swallows the club from below.
24. You are in a toilet stall in a company restroom, and a little pull on the toilet paper sends the only two rolls of toilet paper carreening around the bathroom. You:
25. pull up your pants, exit the stall as if nothing happened.
26. make sounds so other people think you are having a wild affair so they get embarrassed and leave, then get the paper back.
27. start singing "Under The Boardwalk" and hope people start throwing things.
28. adjust rollback segments to autoextend, set optimal to 32, flush, and wait for SMON to give you the paper back.
29. Use the first bills in your wallet, since they are ordered smallest to largest.
30. Why separate Index and Data tablespaces?
31. 'Cause Oracle says to.
32. 'Cause some people say it doesn't matter, and you want to prove them wrong.
33. It doesn't matter as long as they are not being accessed at the same time.
34. It does matter, since they will nearly always be accessed at the same time.
35. It doesn't matter, since they won't be accessed at the same time.
36. It depends. It might matter sometimes, and maybe not other times and maybe the few times it does aren't enough to make a difference, or maybe they do.
37. This can only be determined empirically based on observed I/O requests, so cannot be predicted ahead of time.
38. This can only be determined empirically, although it can be mathematically approximated through queuing theory and analysis of predicted data requests and updates. But it's just too expensive to do so, so just spread them across logical volumes on a RAID array with big stripes and stop worrying about it.
39. The database has crashed due to too many transactions for the number of transaction slots. A tablespace cannot be brought online as a result. The system rollback segment is in "needs recovery" mode. What do you do?
40. Lock 'n load, this puppy needs to be put out of my misery.
41. Bring the db up with no rbs in the init.ora, be sure the system tablespace has enough room for a deffered rollback segment, leave the db open for a few hours while SMON changes the rbs status.
42. Set a trace to determine which transaction last succeeded, restore from backups and roll forward until that transaction.
43. Can't do anything because a ts was bought offline during the original transaction, so trying to roll forward will bring that ts online and leave it to mess everything up, so must restore from backups and that's it.
44. None of the above.
45. Depends on the version.
46. Your hardware person has decided to replace the RAID with a faster device. After doing so, he creates all the same mount points that were there before, temporarily mounting the old RAID with all the same mount points with "old" prepended to them. He uses cpio to copy the files from the old to the new, getting an error about not being able to create files larger than 2G.
47. Enable large files.
48. cpio can't handle more than 2G files, just use cp -pr. Carefully.
49. WTF? There's more to the universe than unix!
50. Reinstall and reconfigure Oracle.
51. You'll have to cp each file and use the alter database rename file command.
52. You are doing an upgrade that requires several hours of data manipulation after cloning a database. Backups also take several hours.
53. You must backup after cloning, else you won't be able to restore.
54. You might as well backup after the data manipulation, since if things blow up, you can just clone again. All you care about restoring is transactions after the manipulation.
55. You just sing "Send in, the Clones!"
56. Let the junior DBA backup unnecessarily, so they feel worth something and you can catch some Z's.
57. None of the above.
58. You look at the dates on your files, and see some that are very old. Does this mean they can be deleted?
59. Of course.
60. Well, of course, except for configuration files and executables.
61. No way, some kinds of tempfiles might be created long before they are accessed, and don't get touched again until sort files need them.
62. They aren't _my_ files, they belong to the company.
63. Anything deleted becomes necessary.
64. You check v$session before shutting down your production instance to be sure everyone is off. You see there is a machine logged on, and open a streaming video channel to see if there is anyone actually there. There are several people doing compromising things, apparently not realizing they are on camera. Do you:
65. Alter database kill session, shutdown, then watch the video.
66. Watch the video.
67. Record the video and start polishing your raise speech.
68. Go to the office, act surprised, then join in.
69. Redirect video to the web and announce on IRC.
70. Ring the phone and say "We know what you're doing!" in your best "reality TV show announcer" impression.
71. E and D.
72. If you could be any tree, which would it be?
73. A towering oak.
74. A majestic palm.
75. A Bee tree.
76. A Pineapple.
77. A Weeping Willow.
78. You are interviewing for a DBA job, and the interviewer seems to be interested in everything except you. You:
79. Use a cold voice to clearly let him know you don't want your valuable time wasted, and take control of the situation.
80. Gamely explain what great DBA experience you've had and how it can help this company. Then quote Monty Python and see if he notices.
81. Pick a heavy personal object off the desk and throw it through a closed window, then make a comment about first having to get the mule's attention.
82. Take off all your clothes, jump up on the desk and sing Ziggy Stardust at the top of your lungs.
83. Grab your things and leave, but give a complement to and flirt with the receptionist. Later, call and have her get you in to talk to the CEO about becoming the interviewer's boss.
84. You are in a restaurant, and overhear the people at the next table talking about rollback segments. You:
85. Pointedly ignore them.
86. Walk over, introduce yourself, and join in the conversation.
87. Walk over, acuse them of posting misinformation on cdoserver, then eat their food after they run off scared.
88. Yell "Hey, is there a nerd in the house?"
89. Yell "Hey, you guys need a real DBA over there?"
90. You are in a high-powered DBA conference session given by a famous lecturer, mumbling the answers to each question as he asks them. The person next to you seems to be more and more impressed by this, and finally leans over and offers you a job at a dot.com. You say:
91. [Loud Curly voice] "Why, Soitenly! Nyuk Nyuk!"
92. "Mr. Feynman, you must be joking."
93. Nothing, stare curiously, and keep mumbling the answers.
94. "Points, options, 250K, no dress code, own hours, T1, Porsche, expenses."
95. A few pleasantries, exchange cards, wait a few months, swoop in on bankruptcy for your own personal Superdome.
96. Your 9iR2 production database crashes at 4:00PM on Friday. It tries to come up but seems to be stuck. You:
97. Wait and wait and wait and hope. Go to happy hour for the free food, come back and wait and hope some more.
98. Wait till after 5, then call Oracle support in the hope you'll get someone fresh in another time zone.
99. CTRL-C, shutdown, startup mount, drop sort ts, then open.
100. Post a HELP!!!!!! message on usenet.
101. Restore last backup and fast roll forward.
102. None of the above.
103. You are perusing usenet, and you see a post from a respected source that is at odds with your own production db. You:
104. Immediately scour metalink and numerous other sites for more information.
105. Post off-the-cuff rant on why the respected source is wrong.
106. Look it up on your OCP cd.
107. Attempt to replicate issue on your test db.
108. All of the above.
109. Some of the above.
110. You are the new, sole DBA at a site. The first thing you do is:
111. Get the OCP.
112. Get the CSI.
113. Get the SYS password.
114. Meet the SA.
115. Establish the pecking order.
116. A user calls up and asks for his password. You:
117. Tell him to go through channels, put him on hold and call security.
118. Check init.ora parameters.
119. Tell him to look on his terminal.
120. Tell him to tell you what it he wants it to be, and that you will change it.
121. Give him the password to an account with OPS$ sysdba and tell him to change it himself.
122. Set the account to ask for the password next time he logs in.
123. A programmer gives you a package to install. You install it in a test system, and see that it has a really strange set of grants back and forth between two schemata.
124. Give it back and say "Do it over."
125. Fix it without telling him.
126. Grant them all to public.
127. Use OEM to shuffle things around until they work, then do it again in production.
128. None of the above.
129. A user complains that he is getting ORA-1555. There is nothing in the alert log about it.
130. Yeah, so?
131. Make bigger rollback segments.
132. Make more rollback segments.
133. Make smaller rollback segments.
134. Get rid of Optimal.
135. Figure out why transactions are lasting so long.
136. A, B, C, E and F.
137. A female DBA takes 9 months to do a project. How long will 2 DBA's take?
138. That's NOT FUNNY!
139. 18 months.
140. 6.5 weeks if they are both female. DNF if both male. 22 months if one male and one female.
141. 2 DBA's is a double oxymoron.
142. It's STILL NOT FUNNY!
143. What is a DBA?
144. Someone to blame.
145. It varies by organization.
146. An all-powerful, all-knowing, all-ominiscient godlike being beyond the ken of mortal man.
147. A legal notice required to use a fictitious name.
148. Dumb Big Assbite.
149. Someone who can code really, really well.
150. You are about to have intimate relations in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, you realize the answer to the complicated PL/SQL conundrum you worked on most of the day. You:
151. say "Just a moment dear" and fetch your laptop.
152. mentally ask forgiveness of St. Kyte and get on with it.
153. repeat the answer over and over in your head, forget the answer, and give a lame excuse about the faraway look in your eyes.
154. apologize that you have a headache and lock yourself in the closet with your pc.
155. mentally equate lovemaking sounds with the code, and then smile a lot as you type it in the next day.
156. You are interviewing for a DBA job. Everyone is smartly and fashionably dressed, but something is bothering you. Even though it is in a large technology business park, your cell phone has no signal. Eventually, you realize that no one is wearing socks.
157. You're in a horror movie! RUN! RUN!
158. Ask, "Why is no one wearing socks?"
159. Ask, "Why did the porridge bird lay his egg in the air?"
160. Apologize for wearing socks.
161. Act as though nothing is wrong, sneak into an unused office and call the government when they are not looking.
162. What will the following code do?

INSERT VALUES ('''H','E','L','L','O',',','W','O','R','L','D''') INTO DUAL;

1. Create a string within the table DUAL that says 'HELLO,WORLD'.
2. Crash the database.
3. Crash databases all over the world as people try it.
4. Nothing, it has a syntax error.
5. Nothing, although the syntax is correct.
6. Create strange effects on much code throughout the database.
7. You walk into a grocery store, and see your banks ATM machine being worked on. You see there is actually an ordinary PC with an ordinary keyboard. On the screen is a SQL prompt, and there is no one around.
8. select * from user_tables, desc an interesting one, update the balance of the row where your name is equal, commit.
9. connect / as sysdba, spool xxx.sql, select 'alter user '||username' set password = blorg;' from dba_users, spool off, @xxx, continue shopping.
10. Stare.
11. Smile and wave at the camera, then take the PC.
12. Run to the store manager and helpfully tell him there is a bank security problem.
13. What is the most CPU-intensive thing you can do?
14. Flush a buffer.
15. Buff a flusher.
16. Parse a Query.
17. Queer a Parsey.
18. Checkpoint.
19. What is wrong with this script?

setenv PIPE /tmp/bla.dmp
mknod $PIPE p
( gzip < $PIPE) | split -b 500M - exp.dmp & exp userid=system buffer = 200000000 file=$PIPE full=y \ compress=y >>& exp.log

1. Syntax errors.
2. No such command as gzip.
3. Buffer is wrongly sized.
4. NEVER, EVER USE CSH!
5. Wrong compression.
6. Stupid filename.
7. You are being interviewed for a DBA job. The interviewer obviously hardly knows basic Oracle and is parrotting a DBA exam. She asks a question that you immediately recognize as one that is generally answered incorrectly in nearly all books and official Oracle training materials. You have the definite impression that saying that will be taken as condescending, patronizing or wrong.
8. Give the correct answer.
9. Say in so many words that most references give the wrong answer, and explain why it is wrong and what the correct answer is, and hope they think DBA's _should_ be condescending or patronizing.
10. Give the textbook answer.
11. Denigrate the interviewers knowledge of Oracle.
12. Loudly complain about your time being wasted, announce you will be sending them a large bill, and leave.
13. You are a new Senior DBA, surrounded by eager young smiling faces. As you go to personalize your phone messages, you discover voice mails to the previous person indicating he is a child molester.
14. Say nothing, when you get home start calling for those other jobs you rejected.
15. Call the police.
16. Ignore the messages.
17. Hack the phone system to make it seem like the phone messages are forwarded from someone else, then forward them to HR.
18. Call the guy up and offer to play Legos and talk about buffer waits.
19. You receive a warning from Oracle that there is a possible breach in 9iAS security. You:
20. Laugh.
21. Laugh really, really hard.
22. Spray Diet Coke out of your nose.
23. Immediately install IIS.
24. Stare.
25. You are using OEM to enlarge tablespaces during the middle of the night. Your PC gets taken over by the help desk, who proceed to install and reboot before you can do anything. You call and complain, and they lamely say they didn't think anyone would be working in the middle of the night.
26. Your tablespaces are probably corrupt, so you kill the help desk people.
27. Your tablespaces are fine since they just rolled back to their original size, so you just grumble and start over.
28. Your tablespaces are in an indeterminate state, so you have to shutdown then startup nomount and analyse them.
29. This is a fantasy, you would never use OEM to do anything critical.
30. You don't know what the hell might have happened, so you run dbverify.
31. You get an ORA-600, look up the error on metalink, don't quite understand it, so post a question on usenet. You get nasty replies about not wasting people's time with homework questions. You:
32. Never use usenet again.
33. Flame each reply.
34. Re-ask the question with more detail.
35. Defensively question the manhood of usenet posters.
36. Spray Diet Coke out of your nose.
37. Open a support call.

For answers, send an international money order in the amount of US$15, your
tax identification, and a certifed copy of your birth certificate to:

Ministry of Oracle Information
100 Twin Dolphin Drive
Ougadougado, Burkina Faso Received on Wed Apr 16 2003 - 13:58:57 CDT