Re: Don't Know Crap From Kiwi (Was: Re: [Job-SF, CA] Database Caching Engineer)

"hiTECH.RECRUIT" <hitech.recruit_at_gmail.com> offered adoration to me with:
>Hi all,

``Shucks howdy!'' to you too.

>Our client is a leading enterprise software company in San Francisco -
When was the last time you represented a ``trailing'' company of any type?

>Our client is a leading enterprise software company in San Francisco -
>App Server/Application Development & Devployment Platform. They're
>currently growing their Technical team, and would like to hear from all
>of you talented engineers out there.

When you look for ``something'' you rarely find it, but when you look for ``anything'' you will certainly get ``something''. Caveat emptor.

> To express interest, please contact/send resume to
> hiTECH.RECRUIT_at_gmail.com.

I am skeptical a technical recruiting firm lacking their own smtp domain can also be considered ``reputable''.
Caveat lector.

>... [Ed: content abbreviated]
>" Create an XML data model of heterogeneous data sources.
Are the interactions between the ``data sources'' hierarchic or relational in nature?
If the various ``data sources'' interact with eachother in a manner that is not purely hierarchic then creating an ``XML Model'' (whatever that may mean)
would not be considered correct design.
Do you even know what a ``hierarchic structure'' is? Can you even spell ``XML'' ?

>" Create object mapping to heterogenous data sources.
Are you even aware the last twenty years of programming theory has centered on ``object mappings'', or is your time-zone ``GMT -500 years''?

>" Create a dynamic, queryable cache of data sources across a super
>cluster of machines.

Could I substitute a ``database'' instead?

>" Enable writes to be layered on top of the cache and then
>optimistically persisted to the data sources.
I hear ``Views'' are in vogue now. How about one of them?

>" Integrate with transaction monitors for multi-phase commits.
Really? How archaic.
Usually when we need to program XML-based object mappings to heterogenous data sources to be layered on top of an optimistically persisted cache across a super cluster of machines it is considered standard practice to use an Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.

>Requirements:
>" Outstanding, accomplished coder.

How does your firm evaluate an applicant?  o Does someone in your office actually know anything?  o Does your office submit resumes to your client in batches?  o Does your office shake a Magic Eight-Ball? Is your firm even capable of conducting a technical evaluation of any candidate?

>" 5-10 years experience in the areas described.
10 years of experience with XML?
Two thousand four minues ten...
...carry the three...
...cross divide by twenty six eighths... Do you even know what YEAR it currently is? Would you care to speculate on the birthyear of XML?

>" Infrastructure software (BEA, IBM WebSphere, Borland, etc.)
``IBM Websphere'' is a product, ``Borland'' is a company, and ``BEA'' was Opie Griffen's kindly old aunt. Either your message was garbled in news replication, or you don't have any idea about what you speak of. Fortunately there is no confusion on what ``etc'' could possibly mean.

>" Excellent People Skills
Could that be interpretted as ``Knows better than to spam newsgroups while suffering from False Authority Syndrome'', or simply ``Does not fart in elevators'' ?

>" Excellent problem solving capabilities
Could that be interpretted as ``Identifying illogical and jack-assed False Authority Syndrome and knowing how to respond to it'', or more along the lines of ``Enjoys the refreshing challenge of attempting to make computers behave in an illogical and inconsistant manner'' ?

>" Able to succeed in a fast-paced start-up environment
I needed less than one minute to read this, and less than five seconds to plan my response. Is that fast enough for you? Since I also exercised my own initiative in crafting my response, does that mean I'm ``start-up'' enough for you?

I'm curious if you could differentiate between an Etch-A-Sketch and a laptop, Oh Great (so-called) Technical Recruiter. </RANT> Received on Sat Dec 11 2004 - 23:28:19 CET