The fable of DEMETRIUS, CONSTRAINTICUS, and AUTOMATICUS

From: Kenneth Downs <firstinit.lastname_at_lastnameplusfam.net>
Date: Mon, 18 Oct 2004 14:25:02 -0400
Message-ID: <vp11lc.1vq.ln_at_mercury.downsfam.net>

Recently archeologists have uncovered a document which they believe is a previously undiscovered Platonic dialogue. Such a discovery would be a priceless boon to modern philosophy, if true, but some computer scientists believe it may also have applications to that field as well. The introduction has been translated and begins like so:

"Three strangers are in Alexandria, and are about to take a ferry to Sparta.
They discover that they are each Record Keepers. Demetrius is a student, and Constrainticus and Automaticus are accomplished professionals. They agree to sit together and discuss best practices on their journey.

DEMETRIUS: Let us sit here on this bench and be comfortable as we talk on this voyage.

CONSTRAINTICUS: It is forbidden! This booth is for two, and we are three. I shall stand here resolutely until a law-abiding proposal is set forth.

AUTOMATICUS: Friend Demetrius, you are a guest to our city, pray let me get you a chair so that we may fit here within the limits of the law."

This brief introduction seems to set the tone for most of the dialogue, which is also typified by this exchange:

"DEMETRIUS: The sun is high and my throat is dry, what respite might we
acquire from a merchant aboard this vessel?

CONSTRAINTICUS: It is a dire Abomination unto Nuggan to drink while the sun is at its zenith and one faces West. I will take no action.

AUTOMATICUS: Friend Constrainticus, let me take your seat so that you face East, and I will go to a merchant and get water for us. Um, do you have change of a five?"

The dialogue continues in this vein for a hundred pages, with Constrainticus constantly restraining action but sitting still throughout, while Automaticus fetches this and that and generally makes himself useful. The conclusion has also been translated:

"DEMETRIUS: Friend Constrainticus I see after this long journey that you
are quite knowledgeable. In fact your knowledge has wearied me greatly, though I have strained myself not. I find I will avoid your company in the future in favor of the company of Automaticus here, who is also knowledgeable and yet whose company brings refreshment and comfort. His is a living knowledge truly, one that is expressed in action. "

-- 
Kenneth Downs
Use first initial plus last name at last name plus literal "fam.net" to
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Received on Mon Oct 18 2004 - 20:25:02 CEST