Yep, you got it right on the nose!
- 12 years of Senior Oracle experience: willing to pay the going rate for
12 months of junior dba experience
Greg
"Joel Garry" <joel-garry_at_nospam.cox.net> wrote in message
news:slrnaaef5v.iq.joel-garry_at_zr1.vista1.sdca.cox.net...
> When one peruses the want-ads, it is easy to think they are
straightforward
> requests for given skillsets. The sad truth is, they are out of context
of
> the situation they refer to. However, one may read between the lines to
> get a realistic set of expectations. Most jobs wind up different than
> their descriptions anyways. So here is what they say, and what it may
> really mean:
>
> OCP certification required: Oracle Consulting marketing ploy backfired.
>
> RMAN required: They couldn't understand Velpuri.
>
> High Availability and RMAN required: They have a big old obsolete Sun
> box, and insufficient budget for for a 7/24 shop, so they hired someone
> with NT Oracle experience who screwed up big time, so you have to clean it
up.
>
> NT and backup experience required: Last guy didn't know NT idiosyncracies
> or RMAN bugs.
>
> Tape backup experience required: Those DLT's got another one.
>
> Cabling experience preferred: You will wear a lot of hats, and none will
> say "DBA."
>
> Good communication skills required: Previous DBA had a gambling problem.
>
> Must have very good communication skills: Management expectations need
> adjustment.
>
> Must have excellent communication skills: Previous DBA was inscrutable.
>
> Must have premier communications skills: It's a sales job.
>
> Must be a star at communicating: Previous DBA on trial in criminal court.
>
> Will not sponsor H1-B: [Answer under review by Political Correctness
> Department]
>
> Applicant will be expected to wear a pager: Their firewall product
doesn't
> play well with Oracle; their firewall is full of holes from previous
DBA's
> hacks.
>
> VSAM, CICS, Forms 6.0, Perl, and COBOL: HR department being used to
screen
> out all applicants so project lead's nephew 's half-brother's wife's
cousin
> can get a government job.
>
> FORMS, PREL, SQL, Dba: HR department clueless, non-communicative IS
> manager not helping matters any.
>
> 4 years 9iAS experience required: Headhunter having a waking wet dream.
>
> Forms 5 experience desired: They just woke up to the fact the plug is
> about to be pulled on the VAX with Forms 2.3.
>
> Telecommuting Forms development: After you've got two years face time.
>
> Some travel required: They are afraid of hackers.
>
> 50% travel required: 100% travel required.
>
> Experience with writing Stored Procedures: You will be the Oracle guy
> in a SQL Server shop with "strange" ideas about what a DBA does.
>
> Functional DBA wanted: No DBA skills necessary if you know app.
>
> Must have thorough knowledge of roles and privileges: Developers
> have DBA privileges.
>
> Must be a team player: Boss is biased towards Microsoft.
>
> [Long laundry list of Oracle skills]: They made the last guy write a job
> description before they arbitrarily released him to get someone cheaper
after
> the dot-com debacle.
>
> Oracle DBA to $120K: Headhunter farming.
>
> Oracle DBA to $80K: Revolving door job.
>
> 3 month contract-to-hire: 6 month contract.
>
> Oracle DBA's needed now!: Headhunter farming.
>
> Local applicants only: Been burned moving someone out who left after 3
months.
>
> Good presentation skills: Geeks need foxy babe to gawk at.
>
> Training provided: But not before you are let go because you didn't know
it
> already.
>
> B2B: Knowledge of non-Oracle tools necessary because numb-nuts will be
> sending all sorts of garbage data, rendering all referential integrity
> useless. Unannounced format changes alone make it a full time job, then
> there's the actual work...
>
> XML: Venture capital funding about to run out, so everyone has left.
>
> 1-3 years DBA experience necessary: Vice-President of Sales was once
> a secretary, and she used an Access database, so she thinks she knows
> what a DBA does.
>
> 3-5 years DBA experience necessary: Manager was an Ashton-Tate expert and
> thinks Oracle should be able to do everything just like Dbase.
>
> 7+ years DBA experience necessary: V5 conversion project.
>
> C++ required: Last gasp of company that was leading edge a few years ago,
> now just a ghost of former self.
>
> ODBC and PRO*C required: Apps company living off past glory.
>
> Knowledge of Lotus Notes essential: Someone high up convinced board that
a
> bunch of PC's can replace a real server.
>
> Manufacturing apps experience required: They don't have Internet access
> yet. When they get it, you will get fired for cause due to "surfing the
net"
> to metalink, comp.databases.oracle.* and orafaq, rather than working.
>
> Supervisory experience required: Spend all your time "managing" rather
than
> working.
>
> Successful implementation track record: Thar be lawsuits.
>
> Successful track record of a Data Warehouse implementation required: They
> still don't get what a DW is and won't be told.
>
> Will share responsibility with 2 other DBA's for critical 7/24 system:
You
> will be low man on the totem pole in a place with insufficient budget, so
> no vacations, 100 hour weeks exempted from overtime, and you get the worst
> hours.
>
> Technical DBA: It will start out with normal DBA functions, but
application
> visibility will force you into pure coding until the functional DBA
leaves,
> then you have to do that too. Then the database will start whining for
> attention...
>
> Shell scripting: Previous DBA liked cryptography.
>
> Perl scripting: Previous DBA won obfuscation contest.
>
> Posix: App runs under obscure and/or orphaned OS such as MP/E.
>
> Knowledge of Database Design essential: Database needs a _lot_ of reverse
> engineering. Developers were under pressure to produce, with no DBA...
>
> Additional comments cheerfully accepted.
>
> jg
> --
> These opinions are my own.
> http://www.garry.to Oracle and unix
guy.
> mailto:joel-garry_at_nospam.cox.net Remove nospam to
reply.
Received on Mon Apr 01 2002 - 21:15:17 CST
