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Home -> Community -> Mailing Lists -> Oracle-L -> OT: Toasters
As a bit of light relief....
John
Carry on til the end for the SAP toaster........
If IBM made toasters ... They would want one big toaster where people bring
bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide
market for five, maybe six toasters.
If Xerox made toasters ... You could toast one-sided or double-sided.
Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your
bread for you.
If Radio Shack made toasters ... The staff would sell you a toaster, but not
know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own
toaster.
If Oracle made toasters ... They'd claim their toaster was compatible with
all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the
Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three
years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.
If Sun made toasters ... The toast would burn often, but you could get a
really good cuppa Java.
Does DEC still make toasters?... They made good toasters in the '80s, didn't
they?
If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ... They would market the Reverse Toaster,
which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.
If Tandem made toasters ... You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a
piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.
If Thinking Machines made toasters ... You would be able to toast 64,000
pieces of bread at the same time.
If Cray made toasters ... They would cost $16 million but would be faster
than any other single-slice toaster in the world.
If the NSA made toasters ... Your toaster would have a secret trap door that
only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for
reasons of national security.
If Sony made toasters ... The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than
the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached
to your belt.
If Timex made toasters ... They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal
wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.
If Fisher Price made toasters ... "Baby's First Toaster" would have a
hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a
Jack-in-the-box.
And, of course: If Microsoft made toasters ... Every time you bought a loaf
of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the
toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh
15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough
electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen,
would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark
you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other
appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft
toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only
works with their toasters. If Apple made toasters ... It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.
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Author: <John.Hallas_at_vodafone.co.uk
INET: John.Hallas_at_vodafone.co.uk
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