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Re: DBA work load

From: Tim Gorman <>
Date: Fri, 27 Sep 2002 08:49:06 -0800
Message-ID: <>

With regards to any creativity embedded in the BDBAFH thread that I might have contributed, those who have read the BOFH saga will recognize that I copied a segment (almost!) word-for-word from Simon Travaglia's original text. If you haven't read the BOFH sagas, they are a scream (flash to visual of Edvard Munch's masterpiece) and highly recommended. Especially the bit about electrocuting inexperienced hardware repair people using waffle irons. There are numerous BOFH compilations on the net -- just go to and enter the keyword "bofh".


With regards to language and the assignment of gender to nouns (like
"bastard"), I'd like to pass along the following, with thanks to Michael
Moller (of the Oak Table network) for passing it along recently, but with
ultimate thanks to persons unknown...


A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike
their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or
feminine.  "House" in French, is feminine-"la maison." "Pencil" in French,
is masculine-"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is the word 'computer'?"   The
teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.  So for
fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and
asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine of a feminine
noun.  Both groups were required to give four reasons for their

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine
gender (i.e. "la computer"), because:

    1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic
    2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else
    3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for
possible later retrieval
    4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine
(i.e. 'le computer") because:

    1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
    2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
    3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem
    4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

----- Original Message -----
To: "Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L" <>
Sent: Friday, September 27, 2002 10:04 AM

I believe that BASTARD can be applied equally to male or female. From
Webster (slightly edited):
1 : an illegitimate child
2 : something that is spurious, irregular, inferior, or of questionable
3 : an offensive or disagreeable person -- used as a generalized term of

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Friday, September 27, 2002 9:34 AM
To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L

On a more serious note:

- a voice mail should be sufficient
- next morning:
-- a one page post mortem document -- a note inviting interested parties to a post mortem meeting A formal post mortem process benefits:
- if a problem re-occurs it is easier to deal with it
- there may be a permanent solution to it
- clients and managers feel more confident and with time will stop asking
for details (which they do not understand anyway)
- all problems are documented in a standardise manner, which allows for
-- re-negotiation of service level agreements and prices when applicable -- meaningful end year performance reviews (probably more important) inka P.S. The acronym stands for Bastard DBA from Hell
- I am outraged!
What a male chauvinistic world. I have a master degree in being from hell, working on Ph.D. -----Original Message----- Sent: Friday, September 27, 2002 9:03 AM To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L Must say I liked Inka's notion of calling all interested parties with details, though it could be income threatening =:-0 Maybe a compromise would be to agree some type of SOP for such situations and have the "interested callers" list put in there. I mean if they are so keen to know first thing next morning... OTOH, why not send a summary e-mail to interested parties and tell them you'll fill in any "gaps" when you have caught up on lost time. If the problem has been resolved, details of how are of a mainly historical nature anyhow - right? Tim: Can you give me the ISBN's to some of your novels. What!!! You haven't written any yet! - A waste of talent ;) Thanks for the homour in any case. PS: The BDBAFH has gone right over my head. My psyche is suggesting it's profane. What does it stand for? -- Please see the official ORACLE-L FAQ: -- Author: Tim Gorman INET: Fat City Network Services -- 858-538-5051 San Diego, California -- Mailing list and web hosting services --------------------------------------------------------------------- To REMOVE yourself from this mailing list, send an E-Mail message to: (note EXACT spelling of 'ListGuru') and in the message BODY, include a line containing: UNSUB ORACLE-L (or the name of mailing list you want to be removed from). You may also send the HELP command for other information (like subscribing).
Received on Fri Sep 27 2002 - 11:49:06 CDT

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