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Re: OT: RE: Duhvelopers and DB-ehs?

From: Rachel Carmichael <>
Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2001 15:39:37 -0700
Message-ID: <>

roflmao! thank you for a great start to the weekend!

>From: Jacques Kilchoer <>
>To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L <>
>Subject: OT: RE: Duhvelopers and DB-ehs?
>Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2001 12:20:26 -0800
>I am in charge of 273 databases at sites throughout the world, some of them
>in places with no electricity where we have an elephant on a treadmill
>supplying power. I personally had to once step in for the elephant when he
>was feeling under the weather.
>All of these databases are 26 x 8, meaning 26 hours a day eight days a week
>since we have to deal with the additional day caused by the international
>date line, and two extra hours because of some places have weird time
>On certain days the International Time committee adds a leap second to the
>day which means that on those days I have to work an extra second * 273
>databases which adds up to several minutes.
>On 19 of those databases, due to the lack of funds for storage, I have to
>a backup to paper, i.e. I have to manually read every table through select
>statements and write them down on paper using a broken pencil.
>We are planning on sending a few databases out onto satellites, one of them
>on a probe to Neptune. I will also be in charge of the backup/uptime for
>those mission-critical systems, since they will be used as the back-end for
>website that receives thousands of hits per minute (a Britney Spears fan
>club site).
>I am the only human DBA. We have three helper monkeys at remote locations
>but they are currently on strike.
>I have to run off now because the coffee machine is broken and no one is
>here to fix it except me. I had to carve my own coffe cup out of wood
>because I can't afford ceramic.

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Author: Rachel Carmichael

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Received on Fri Aug 31 2001 - 17:39:37 CDT

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