RE: RE: Duhvelopers and DB-ehs?

<FONT face=Arial color=#0000ff
size=2>HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  <FONT face=Tahoma
  size=2>-----Original Message-----From: root_at_fatcity.com   [mailto:root_at_fatcity.com]On Behalf Of Jacques KilchoerSent:   Friday, August 31, 2001 4:20 PMTo: Multiple recipients of list   ORACLE-LSubject: OT: RE: Duhvelopers and   DB-ehs?
  I am in charge of 273 databases at sites throughout the world,   some of them in places with no electricity where we   have an elephant on a treadmill supplying power. I   personally had to once step in for the elephant when he <FONT   size=2>was feeling under the weather.   All of these databases are 26 x 8, meaning 26 hours a day   eight days a week since we have to deal with the   additional day caused by the international date line,   and two extra hours because of some places have weird time zones.   On certain days the International Time committee adds a leap   second to the day which means that on those days I   have to work an extra second * 273 databases which   adds up to several minutes.
  On 19 of those databases, due to the lack of funds for   storage, I have to do a backup to paper, i.e. I have   to manually read every table through select statements   and write them down on paper using a broken pencil.   We are planning on sending a few databases out onto   satellites, one of them on a probe to Neptune. I will   also be in charge of the backup/uptime for those   mission-critical systems, since they will be used as the back-end for a   website that receives thousands of hits per minute (a Britney   Spears fan club site).
  I am the only human DBA. We have three helper monkeys at   remote locations but they are currently on   strike.
  I have to run off now because the coffee machine is broken and   no one is here to fix it except me. I had to carve my   own coffe cup out of wood because I can't afford ceramic. Received on Fri Aug 31 2001 - 15:38:28 CDT