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Re: RE: MetaSlop - Another Response Scenario for Paul.

From: Jim Walski <>
Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2001 16:36:39 -0800
Message-ID: <>

I think a certain ex-president ( last name something like clinton) needs a spin doctor like you.  Thanks for the great laughs!
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-----Original Message-----From:

    Mohan, Ross <<A
    href="">>To:     Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L <<A     href="">>Date:     Tuesday, February 27, 2001 1:59 PMSubject: RE: RE: MetaSlop -     Another Response Scenario for Paul.
    Scenario Two:

    ########################## For Immediate Release 

    Ap/UPI/AFP/Reuters ---  Redwood Shores, 27 Feb     00         <FONT
    size=2>Oracle Denial of Service Attack     Oracle Corporation announced today, in a stunning     revelation, that they have been issuing a massive     Denial of Service (DoS) attack against its own     customers via its "Support" website, MetaBlink.     The scam worked like this:  clever hackers within     Oracle Corporation configured MetaLink with Oracle     default values, guaranteeing devastating failure. As     long term Oracle customers, sorely vexed by arcane command sequences,     byzantine product offerings, and constantly shifting     product versions came to the "support web     site" to seek help, they were shunted away, <FONT     size=2>losing hours of productive time, watching key applications fail,     marriages dissolve, and world peace slip from their     grasp.
    Precisely at this vulnerable moment, a crack team of     marketers ( or a team of crack-smoking marketers,     field reports are not clear ) created a campaign to     lead key customers to believe "application upgrades" and     "more hardware" were the problem.     

    Sources in the McNealy Command Bunker indicate Oracle's     innovative DoS is working, as record numbers of     customers are throwing massive amounts of hardware     at problems relatively easy to rectify. Further, back at <FONT     size=2>Armani HQ, Redwood Shores, initial reports are that the     "application upgrades" orders are coming     in quickly.
    IBM, HP, and other industry leaders are likely to follow the     Oracle Corporation trend, and begin to knock off key     customers shortly, using a combination of DoS,     confusing price plans, deliriously inaccurate marketing campaigns,     and other tools of corporate psychological warfare.     

    ( - Ross Mohan, Cub Reporter, Daily Planet )
-----Original Message----- From:

    Paul Baumgartel [<A
    href="">]     Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 3:21 PM <FONT     size=2>To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L <FONT     size=2>Subject: RE: RE: MetaSlop
    And if you were running a comparable system, what would     *you* say?
    Paul Baumgartel InstiPro,
    Inc. <FONT     size=2>212 813-0829 x103 (office) 917     549-4717         (mobile)     

-----Original Message----- Sent:

    Tuesday, February 27, 2001 2:51 PM To: Multiple     recipients of list ORACLE-L
    Man, these guys just invite the wise-ass comment, don't     they?  Such as:
    Well maybe if the product worked better/was less     confusing/had better documentation we wouldn't all     be in Metalink! Oh no!  If 4 new servers     brought the system to its knees just think how bad <FONT     size=2>it'll be when the rest of the hardware arrives! <FONT     size=2>4 new top-of-the-line servers, just think what that'll do to their     power unit charges!
    Plus I can't rid myself of the image of us all 'staggering'     to Metalink for help.
    >>> 02/27/01 01:21PM     >>> For those interested, right from the     horses mouth, or other orifice as you desire:     

    News & Notes <FONT

    MetaLink Performance - An Update
      We apologize for the slow response times recently on     MetaLink. All over the world
    our customers are coming to and using this valuable <FONT     size=2>  knowledge base in staggering numbers. Our Global IT team are     working these performance issues as their number one     priority.
      What is Being Done  
    This week four new front-end web servers were brought on line to help     manage the load. Additional
    hardware has been purchased and will   arrive     soon which will make a significant improvement in performance.       We appreciate your patience during this time of     significant growth in MetaLink <FONT     size=2>usage.
      Thanks,   The MetaLink
    -- Received on Tue Feb 27 2001 - 18:36:39 CST

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