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From: Kirsh, Gary <>
Date: Fri, 02 Feb 2001 09:11:02 -0800
Message-ID: <>

This looked vaguely familiar when I received it, my apologies if it has previously been posted. It's not great, but I thought it has a few good lines.

Gary Kirsh
Next Extent, Inc

Genesis of a DBA Universe

In the beginning was the disk array, and all was empty and raw, and UNIX moved over the face of the platters. And the DBA said: Let there be Oracle. And there was Oracle. And the environmental variables were set and the disks were striped and mirrored and the OFA was established, and behold spindle was rent asunder from spindle. And the DBA saw that all was in spec.

And it was day and it was evening of the first day.

And the DBA said: Let there be scripts. And sql.bsq brought forth myriad crawling things upon the face of the array. And catalog.sql brought forth all manner of tables and views that swim unseen beneath the waters. And catproc.sql brought forth all the built-in programs and all the hosts of the air, that the users might be given wings and take fight over the data.

And it was day and it was evening of the second day.

And the DBA said: Let there be tablepaces. And there were tablespaces. And the network administrator looked upon the disk array and did see what the tablespaces had wrought upon the disk arrays, and he did gnash his teeth and seek a new work upon the Internet with an engine of search.

And it was day and it was evening of the third day.

And the DBA created users. Male and female he created them. And he said unto the users: Thou mayest create tables and views as thou wilt. Yea, though mayest create even indexes upon the data. Only meddle not with the system tablespace, for it is a holy place, and on the day wherein thou treadest upon it, on that day thy create session shall surely be revoked. And the serpent crept among the users and whispered to them, saying: Thine roles shall not be revoked. Taste ye all of the system tablespace, for ye shall know of b-trees and hints and ye shall be as DBAs. And the users heeded the serpent and filled the system tablespace with crap. And the instance did crash and the client did wax wroth at the DBA. And the DBA did gnash his teeth and partake of the fruit of the vine, for behold the users were permanent employees and the DBA was but a contractor and could not revoke their create session.

And it was day and it was evening of the fourth day.

And the DBA did set default tablespaces and temporary tablespaces and did lock down all that was upon the face of the array with roles and profiles and all manner of quotas, yea even from the rollback segments even unto the archived redo logs.

And it was day and it was evening of the fifth day.

And the DBA created synonyms and links and did tune the server and apply patches upon the face of the database.

And it was day and it was evening of the sixth day.

And on the seventh day the DBA did rest from all the labors of the creation. And his pager did ring and he ceased from resting and did spend his sabbath on the telephone with Oracle support. And by the time the DBA got through to someone who knew wherof they spake behold it was day and it was evening of the eighth day.

And the DBA waxed wroth.

(1/26/01 2:05:31 pm)

Reply: He wandered from the lighted path

Did the dba not perform the sacred rites in which he hadst been instructed?

Not cold backups, nor hot backups, nor image copies
(pray they be not false and corrupt), nor consort
with thy servant rman, nor exports nor transports of tablespaces to a distant land, nor standby database?

Therefore, when the rains come and thine instance crash mightily, neither fast_start_io_target, nor recovery parallelism, nor any form of complete or incomplete recovery, nor resetting nor mining of logs, shalt save his soul, and his masters shall chastise him, and his database shall be as built on sand.

Yea, so it shall be written, so it shall be done. Backup, row well, and live another day. Amen.

Please see the official ORACLE-L FAQ:
Author: Kirsh, Gary

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Received on Fri Feb 02 2001 - 11:11:02 CST

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