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Re: off topic --> RE: Work vs marriage

From: Rachel Carmichael <>
Date: Fri, 02 Jun 2000 00:58:36 GMT
Message-Id: <>

Well, I can only speak from personal experience here.

While Peter was alive, he often introduced me to people as "his wife" not "Rachel".. as in "I'd like you to meet my wife".

I did not feel this indicated any sense of ownership or lack of attachment (I knew how much he loved me).... but, and this is a big BUT, in our case, his saying it that way was an indication of something I had given to him.

He was a hemophiliac, and considered permanently disabled and unemployable. He never in his life expected or imagined that he would have a normal life.... certainly he never thought that he would be married. So when he introduced me as "his wife".... it was a matter of pride to him. And a gift I had given him. There was so little I could give him, I never resented this one.

How you refer to your spouse may indeed be an indication of your feelings for him or her. But without knowing the entire story, an outsider can't judge.


>From: "Boivin, Patrice J" <>
>To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L <>
>Subject: off topic --> RE: Work vs marriage
>Date: Thu, 01 Jun 2000 07:36:39 -0800
>I have a simple question:
>Why do some of you refer to your spouses as "the wife"?! It makes it sound
>like you don't feel any attachment to her at all.
>Also, why was it "the wife's flowers"? Don't you live in that house too?
>Just curious, sometimes I wonder why people get married in the first place.
>Peer pressure maybe? Maybe some men and women get married because they
>to fit in, not because they really care about each other for the long term.
>Never mind the vows...
>Nobody seems to have picked up on this.
>I am a man, and I never refer to my wife as "the wife." It is
>Patrice Boivin
>Systems Analyst (Oracle Certified DBA)
>Systems Admin & Operations | Admin. et Exploit. des systèmes
>Technology Services | Services technologiques
>Informatics Branch | Direction de l'informatique
>Maritimes Region, DFO | Région des Maritimes, MPO
>E-Mail: <>
>Ph: (902) 426-4774
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Michael Kline []
> Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2000 12:47 AM
> To: Multiple recipients of list ORACLE-L
> Subject: RE: Work vs marriage
> Been there myself, and can relate.
> When I was Operations Manager, I had to coordinate the move of the
>data center, keep everyone pretty much ignorant that we had even moved, and
>then provide the data side support of that move as the rest of the
>department, some 900+ people came to the new building. When they came to
>new building, they put their terminal on the moved desk, plugged into the
>wall, and they were up and running.
> IBM said it was the smoothest move they had seen in 10 years, and we
>broke the system down at 12:00 noon on Friday and were up 4PM on Sunday,
>only had about 32-64 users out of 255+ that had to wait till Monday
>afternoon to connect(bell tel had two bad lines). I had over 1,000 hours of
>over time that year... Of course the state didn't pay, UNTIL they realized
>my taking "comp time" which I WAS entitled to would be almost 6 months.
>they paid me. Was nice for that year, but needless to say a strain on the
>family. But receiving 1/2 years wage as a bonus was a pretty nice "gift"..
> Now if I have an 60-80 hour week, which is very rare, management
>knows in advance I'll be taking an appropriate time off next week, or
>they'll owe my wife a very expensive dinner, or in one case a paid weekend
>in Colonial Williamsburg with car, hotel, and tickets to the events,
>Fair is fair.
> I'm down to about 45-55 hours a week, but it pays well, and I'm DBA
>for about 8-12 companies, 1 to 50 gig. "No database surprises" and that's
>what they want. I work almost exclusively from home now, cable modem, 3
>phone lines, 5 computers. That's quite a change and it took a lot of
>used to. Flex schedules that if I have to pull data at 6PM, I may take a 2
>hour lunch, things like that. (I took a hour plus break during this note to
>host a visit from my twins.... they popped in to visit.)
> Maks
> Tech Consultant
> <>
>Author: Boivin, Patrice J
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Received on Thu Jun 01 2000 - 19:58:36 CDT

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