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Joke [message #284257] Thu, 29 November 2007 04:28 Go to next message
dhananjay
Messages: 635
Registered: March 2002
Location: Mumbai
Senior Member
./fa/3496/0/
thought of sharing this with all of you.

regards,


[mod-edit: image inserted into post by bb]

[Updated on: Mon, 26 March 2012 15:25] by Moderator

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Re: joke [message #284264 is a reply to message #284257] Thu, 29 November 2007 04:40 Go to previous messageGo to next message
kir_ait
Messages: 198
Registered: November 2007
Location: Bangalore,India
Senior Member

One more:

MBA Vs. BE Student

This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian......

A MBA and a BE go on a camping trip, set up their tent,and fell asleep.

Some hours later, the BE wakes his MBA friend. " look up at the sky and tell me what you see." The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
The MBA ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
The BE is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".
" ENGINEERING = 100% COMMON SENSE "

Regards,
Kiran

[Updated on: Thu, 29 November 2007 04:54] by Moderator

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Re: joke [message #284271 is a reply to message #284264] Thu, 29 November 2007 05:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
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Location: Croatia, Europe
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LOL!
Re: joke [message #284274 is a reply to message #284264] Thu, 29 November 2007 05:06 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pablolee
Messages: 2617
Registered: May 2007
Location: Scotland
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below said, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field. At an approximate latitude of 55N and longitude of 4W "

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of absolutely no use to anyone."

The man below said, "You must be in management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Re: joke [message #284311 is a reply to message #284274] Thu, 29 November 2007 06:22 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Michel Cadot
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Sooo true.

Michel
Re: joke [message #284341 is a reply to message #284257] Thu, 29 November 2007 07:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
javed.khan
Messages: 308
Registered: November 2006
Location: Banglore
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Ok One more from India...

Ones there were 4 Cannibels appointed in a Software Company but they have clearly instaructed to not to eat any of the humans from the company.
But Cannibels cant take a control and secretly started to eat the mans from that company.
Days past but nobody come to know about the deeds of that cannibels but one day it was all in fire as everybody was serching for the person....
Then the senior cannibel told to other one" I told you eat HR's, Account Man, Canteen Man..but not to Developers.


Jak
Re: joke [message #284435 is a reply to message #284341] Thu, 29 November 2007 12:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Barbara Boehmer
Messages: 7986
Registered: November 2002
Location: California, USA
Senior Member
Seen on various websites:

A helicopter was flying around Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.
Re: joke [message #284576 is a reply to message #284435] Fri, 30 November 2007 02:48 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pablolee
Messages: 2617
Registered: May 2007
Location: Scotland
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./fa/449/0/
Re: joke [message #284685 is a reply to message #284341] Fri, 30 November 2007 09:49 Go to previous messageGo to next message
joy_division
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Registered: February 2005
Location: East Coast USA
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javed.khan wrote on Thu, 29 November 2007 08:15

Ok One more from India...

Ones there were 4 Cannibels appointed in a Software Company but they have clearly instaructed to not to eat any of the humans from the company.
But Cannibels cant take a control and secretly started to eat the mans from that company.
Days past but nobody come to know about the deeds of that cannibels but one day it was all in fire as everybody was serching for the person....
Then the senior cannibel told to other one" I told you eat HR's, Account Man, Canteen Man..but not to Developers.



Maybe there was something lost in the translation, but I didn't get this one.
Re: joke [message #284687 is a reply to message #284685] Fri, 30 November 2007 09:52 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pablolee
Messages: 2617
Registered: May 2007
Location: Scotland
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I believe it was meant to be

A large company recently hired several cannibals as it was expanding quickly
and couldn't find enough staff.
You are all part of our team now", said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the canteen on the ground floor for something to eat, but please don't eat any of our other employees". The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared... Do any of you know what happened to her ?"

The cannibals all shook their heads "No". After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary ?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool !" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything.

But, NOOO, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something !"
Re: joke [message #284754 is a reply to message #284687] Fri, 30 November 2007 16:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
DreamzZ
Messages: 1666
Registered: May 2007
Location: Dreamzland
Senior Member
                   IF MEN GOT PREGNANT

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.
2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entries.
14. Women would rule the world. 
Re: joke [message #284872 is a reply to message #284257] Sun, 02 December 2007 02:55 Go to previous messageGo to next message
muzahid
Messages: 281
Registered: September 2004
Location: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Senior Member
A letter to bill gates from sardar
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
 
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a 
computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to
bring to your notice. 
 
1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account 
and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, 
only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we 
typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. 
We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that 
there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the 
e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this 
as we ourselves do not know what the password is. 

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down'
button. 

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We 
request you to check this. 
 
4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 
'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to 
"sit", so that we can click that by sitting. 

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I 
find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home. 
 
6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife
lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with 
this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug?? 
 
7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' 
from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat. 
 
8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 
'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my 
home to collect ur money. 
 
9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 
'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that? 
 
Best regards, 
 
Sardar
Re: joke [message #284922 is a reply to message #284257] Sun, 02 December 2007 22:37 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Arju
Messages: 1554
Registered: June 2007
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh. Mobile:...
Senior Member

I rolling while laughing. Laughing Laughing Laughing
Re: joke [message #284935 is a reply to message #284257] Sun, 02 December 2007 23:15 Go to previous messageGo to next message
kir_ait
Messages: 198
Registered: November 2007
Location: Bangalore,India
Senior Member

Sardaji's(Santa and Banta) Jokes famouse in India. Now it is spreaded to Bangla too?

Kiran.
Re: joke [message #312538 is a reply to message #284935] Wed, 09 April 2008 03:25 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
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Location: Croatia, Europe
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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've know Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said.

"If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

./fa/3415/0/
Re: joke [message #312557 is a reply to message #312538] Wed, 09 April 2008 04:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Michel Cadot
Messages: 59147
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./fa/449/0/

Re: joke [message #316776 is a reply to message #312557] Mon, 28 April 2008 05:19 Go to previous messageGo to next message
dr.s.raghunathan
Messages: 540
Registered: February 2008
Senior Member
my boss: my system was slow.. ask the service engineer to
attend it

Class IV (attender) : why service service engineer some anti
virus can rectify..

my boss : I always hate aunty... i prefer some uncle virus to
solve...

class IV : ?????

The above dialogue was really happened whether it is intentional
or not i do not know..

yours
dr.s.raghunathan
Re: joke [message #321885 is a reply to message #316776] Wed, 21 May 2008 13:36 Go to previous messageGo to next message
bpeasey
Messages: 46
Registered: March 2005
Member
Q:What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

A:The location of the dirt bag.

BP
LOL code [message #331830 is a reply to message #321885] Sat, 05 July 2008 16:20 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
Messages: 19630
Registered: June 2005
Location: Croatia, Europe
Senior Member
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HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
I HAS A VAR
GIMMEH VAR
IZ VAR BIGGER THAN 10?
	YARLY
		BTW this is true
		VISIBLE "BIG NUMBER!"
	NOWAI
		BTW this is false
		VISIBLE "LITTLE NUMBER!"
	KTHX
KTHXBYE

HAI
CAN HAS STDIO?
_PLZ OPEN FILE "LOLCATS.TXT"?
	AWSUM THX
		VISIBLE FILE
	O NOES
		INVISIBLE "ERROR!"
KTHXBYE

More on Lolcode
Re: joke [message #333388 is a reply to message #284257] Fri, 11 July 2008 08:39 Go to previous messageGo to next message
MarcS
Messages: 312
Registered: March 2007
Location: Antwerp
Senior Member
At a wedding, everyone got drunk. The bride's and groom's families wrecked the reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting. The next week, both families were in court. The judge asked, "All right now, what happened?"

Jock rose and said, "Judge, I was the best man. I should explain what happened."

"Go ahead, Jock. Take the stand."

Jock explaned, "As is the tradition, the best man got the first dance with the bride. After I finished my first dance, the music kept playing, so I danced a second song, and then the music kept going some more so I danced a third song. All of a sudden, the groom leapt over the table, ran to us, and gave the bride an unmerciful kick, right between her legs!"

The shocked judge said, "By God, that must have hurt!"

"Hurt?" replied Jock, "He broke three of my fingers!"
joke [message #335673 is a reply to message #284257] Wed, 23 July 2008 04:27 Go to previous messageGo to next message
dr.s.raghunathan
Messages: 540
Registered: February 2008
Senior Member
hi,

Today 23-07-2008 10:15 Hrs. I told to my office boy,
to tell srikanth, that my computer is affected by virus
and need not take any back up.

My office boy was a school drop out. He told to srikanth
that "sir you are already suffering due to severe cold and
feels feverish and do not touch raghu's PC since it has got
virus"

yours
dr.s.raghunathan
Re: joke [message #335677 is a reply to message #335673] Wed, 23 July 2008 04:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
Messages: 19630
Registered: June 2005
Location: Croatia, Europe
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LOL!
Re: joke [message #335694 is a reply to message #335677] Wed, 23 July 2008 05:32 Go to previous messageGo to next message
tahpush
Messages: 961
Registered: August 2006
Location: Stockholm/Sweden
Senior Member

Quote:
It is March 1st and the first day of DBMS school
The teacher starts off with a role call..

Teacher: Oracle?
"Present sir"
Teacher: DB2?
"Present sir"
Teacher: SQL Server?
"Present sir"
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: MySQL?
[Silence]
Teacher: Where the hell is MySQL
[In rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess]
Teacher: Where have you been MySQL
"Sorry sir I thought it was February 31st"


Quote:

DB team in limo

At the premier of the first ever database movie "The Relational Chainsaw Massacre", the crowd is waiting for the stars to arrive:
The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people

Interviewer: Who have you brought along?
Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me and the other to justify the cost.

A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people

Interviewer: Who have you bought along?
DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialist and 36 consultants.

Another limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own

Interviewer: Why haven't you brought anyone?
SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring this URL for sqlteam when the shit hits the fan.
Re: Joke [message #338576 is a reply to message #284257] Tue, 05 August 2008 06:53 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Arju
Messages: 1554
Registered: June 2007
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh. Mobile:...
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Good one!
Re: Joke [message #409070 is a reply to message #338576] Fri, 19 June 2009 02:51 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Re: Joke [message #507258 is a reply to message #409070] Fri, 13 May 2011 07:13 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' 
GLENN  : K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' 
TEACHER: No, that's wrong 
GLENN  : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.   


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? 
DONALD : H I J K L M N O. 
TEACHER: What are you talking about? 
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O.   


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with '  I.  ' 
MILLIE : I is ...
TEACHER: No, Millie ... Always say, 'I  am.' 
MILLIE : All right ... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'       


TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? 
CLYDE  : No, sir. It's the same dog.     
Re: Joke [message #507275 is a reply to message #507258] Fri, 13 May 2011 07:50 Go to previous messageGo to next message
ramoradba
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./fa/449/0/
Re: Joke [message #543809 is a reply to message #507275] Fri, 17 February 2012 01:01 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
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A toilet sign in Scotland.

./fa/9850/0/

Re: Joke [message #543814 is a reply to message #543809] Fri, 17 February 2012 01:10 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Michel Cadot
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Laughing

Re: Joke [message #543866 is a reply to message #543814] Fri, 17 February 2012 04:54 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pablolee
Messages: 2617
Registered: May 2007
Location: Scotland
Senior Member
LOL, I'm Scottish and it took me a couple of seconds.
Re: Joke [message #544363 is a reply to message #543866] Tue, 21 February 2012 06:41 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Roachcoach
Messages: 1203
Registered: May 2010
Location: UK
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pablolee wrote on Fri, 17 February 2012 10:54
LOL, I'm Scottish and it took me a couple of seconds.


That's because you never look Razz
Re: Joke [message #544387 is a reply to message #544363] Tue, 21 February 2012 08:07 Go to previous messageGo to next message
pablolee
Messages: 2617
Registered: May 2007
Location: Scotland
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Noted! You're going in ze book
Re: Joke [message #553250 is a reply to message #544387] Wed, 02 May 2012 15:08 Go to previous messageGo to next message
Littlefoot
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./fa/10123/0/

  • Attachment: wireless.jpg
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Re: Joke [message #553251 is a reply to message #553250] Wed, 02 May 2012 15:47 Go to previous message
Barbara Boehmer
Messages: 7986
Registered: November 2002
Location: California, USA
Senior Member
I wonder if anybody considered that in an environmental impact study.


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